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Who Am I now?

If you are out of the trenches of narcissistic abuse and starting to rebuild your life have you ever said to yourself, “Who Am I now?”
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after narcissistic abuse recovery we are left with this feeling of ‘who am I now?’
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We were so full of trauma and surviving,there is all this empty space inside us that can make us feel a lot more pleasant than trauma … but it’s unfamiliar to us…
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When we have got rid of our previous identity that may have been attached to previous attachments outside,that are all now gone, we have to build a fresh slate that may really not have much to it, in the way of an identity yet.

And that can feel weird, directionless … and definitely empty…
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This makes most of us feel like we have to get ‘out there’ and do something drastic, in order to give our inner void feeling some substance.
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Truth is…
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We will do anything to fill that void, that feeling of feeling lost
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I speak from Experience
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I was once that woman who felt lost in life, and I didn’t realise I was filling a void by using drugs…
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I’d go out at weekends and use drugs,to escape and numb the pain I was going through
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Weekends felt good.
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I felt like I was in control…
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I wasn’t tho !
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Come Monday everything would come crashing down on me, back to reality. I’d started to feel depressed and suffered serve panic attacks and wanting my next fix…
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I did this until I walked into my next narcissistic relationship.
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I’d always attached the same relationships, because I didn’t love myself, I didn’t value who I was.
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We attract what we are…
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I’d always settled for less than i deserved.
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I often thought why me??
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How have I got myself into this again??
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Then one day someone said you need to stop looking for love outside of yourself…
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Everything comes from within
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You need to love yourself first and everything will fall into place.
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Suddenly i had the biggest realisation!
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That’s how I spent most of my life, I then woke up i knew I needed help! I knew I needed to end this pain I was feeling. My relationships and the feelings I had about myself…
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So then slowly things started to change, I worked day and night trying to better myself. Change is a powerful thing. It has the ability to make you think, feel and act in a completely new way
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I realised I’d grown up not loving the person who I was,I was forever looking in the mirror and not seeing the person that others could see. The real me…
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My life’s completely changed now.I don’t let people treat me like shit.
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Ive set my boundaries,I’ve worked on myself every single day
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I feel a sense of relief that I’m no longer punishing myself for what others did to me or the way they treated me…
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I’m now free of narcissistic relationships 🙋
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Martine
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Relationship Recovery coach ❤️

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